'Name’s Hettie.
I poke things and scratch itches that I shouldn’t.
I’m boring. I have a problem with sweaty armpits and am as exciting as a dead hedgehog.
But I can drink you under
the table anytime.



plays

justducksandmoreducks:

"Police officer helps crying mother duck in the city"

Anonymous sent: omg you fucking cunt there are people who really lost their parents show some fucking respect

::out of ducks::

Dear mothers, dear fathers;

I am proud to present to you: the people that got your kid a fluffy chicken and convinced you to stop smoking.


If I have to see ONE MORE of those 'If this post gets XXk notes, my parents will…' posts, I will puke all over the fucking internet.I am so bloody sick of reading some teenage kid’s posts about how mean their parents are for not letting them go to Disneyland, Burger King or some venue they are clearly way too young for, how evil and rotten they are for not letting them get a fucking chicken, pink fringe, sidecut, dolphin tattoo or clit piercing.Your life isn’t going to end due to the lack of a SPN anti-posession tattoo, some weird pet or convention you are not allowed to go to. If you really want that stuff, do it when you move out. You are in your teens, not 85 years old and facing the grim reaper. "But my mum said if this post gets 20k notes…."Riiight. When I was 6, my dad said I would get a dog if I tidied up my room.I didn’t get a dog, I got over it.Jesus fucking Christ, you are asking for 10.000 people to reblog a thing telling them how mean your parents are, and THEN you wonder why your parents won’t trust you with/allow you shit in the first place?Hmm. Because getting a bunch of teenagers to join your ‘I hate my parents they are so mean wah wah signal boost & reblog pls’ club is totally gonna get you stuff.Yeah. Food for thoughts.And if your parents honestly consider “I guess if 10k of random teenage girls on the internet think it’s a good idea it probably IS a good idea.”a proper way of parenting - you deserve each other./rant

'Look mum, TEN THOUSAND strangers think you're a bad mother for not getting me a fucking pony.”
You know what my kid would get for managing to get 10000 kiddies to reblog a post about what a bad mum I am?
Their fucking internet privilege taken away.
That’s what they’d get.
high resolution →

If I have to see ONE MORE of those 'If this post gets XXk notes, my parents will…' posts, I will puke all over the fucking internet.

I am so bloody sick of reading some teenage kid’s posts about how mean their parents are for not letting them go to Disneyland, Burger King or some venue they are clearly way too young for, how evil and rotten they are for not letting them get a fucking chicken, pink fringe, sidecut, dolphin tattoo or clit piercing.

Your life isn’t going to end due to the lack of a SPN anti-posession tattoo, some weird pet or convention you are not allowed to go to. If you really want that stuff, do it when you move out. You are in your teens, not 85 years old and facing the grim reaper.

"But my mum said if this post gets 20k notes…."

Riiight.
When I was 6, my dad said I would get a dog if I tidied up my room.
I didn’t get a dog, I got over it.

Jesus fucking Christ, you are asking for 10.000 people to reblog a thing telling them how mean your parents are, and THEN you wonder why your parents won’t trust you with/allow you shit in the first place?
Hmm. Because getting a bunch of teenagers to join your ‘I hate my parents they are so mean wah wah signal boost & reblog pls’ club is totally gonna get you stuff.
Yeah. Food for thoughts.

And if your parents honestly consider “I guess if 10k of random teenage girls on the internet think it’s a good idea it probably IS a good idea.”a proper way of parenting - you deserve each other.

/rant

'Look mum, TEN THOUSAND strangers think you're a bad mother for not getting me a fucking pony.”

You know what my kid would get for managing to get 10000 kiddies to reblog a post about what a bad mum I am?

Their fucking internet privilege taken away.


That’s what they’d get.

::out of ducks::

Apologies for my absence, duck is really, really sick.
Sick as duck.
Yeah

Man sets house afire trying to kill spider with lighter, spray paint

EA starter prompts

cillianhelps:

  • "Are you suffering?"
  • "God, he’s ugly."
  • "Take the pill, or you’ll be sorry."
  • "Make it quick."
  • "He likes to call inclemency what I call charm."
  • "They’re all the same."
  • "The doctor’s standing by."
  • "Somewhere it’s always time for tea!"
  • "I’ll fuck who I choose."
  • "I’ll get my revenge on the world."
  • "You’re so easy to read, but the book is boring me."
  • "Pray for me if you want to."
  • "You must release them to our care."
  • "I would’ve thought that I was worth the sacrifice."
  • "I’m lucky to share his bed."
  • "Hell is empty, and all the devils are here!"
  • "It’s time for the attack!"
  • "You murdered me in your coldest blood."
  • "It’s so easy to kill; this I learned from watching you."
  • "I am through lying still."
  • "You never did anything any man wouldn’t do."
  • "How do I get these memories out of my fucking head?"
  • "We’ve got the tools."
  • "Get your money out!"
  • "The law won’t arrest you, the world won’t detest you."
  • "You made me what I am today."
  • "Call off the search, we’ve found her!"
  • "Someday we will meet again."
  • "Is that a camera?"
  • "No one’s coming to take me home."
  • "If these pills are not effective, we’ll electroshock your brain."
  • "We’ve lost so much."
  • "So many of those we love are dead."
  • "We’ve been kept from the light - nobody gave a damn."
  • "How long does it take?"
  • "Maybe someday you’ll know."
  • "You’d be surprised how often."
  • "If I had a dollar for every time I repented the sin, then commit the same crime, I’d be sitting on top of the world today."
  • "We want them young."
  • "You wanted someone to understand you. Well, be careful what you wish for because I do."
  • "Misery loves company."
  • "Do I need you? Yes and no."
  • "God help me."
  • "Do your damage, your worst."
  • "Supply and demand."
  • "If it’s in self-defense, then we will take no blame."
  • "If I’ve no one to fight, how do I know who I am?"
  • "It could be one of us!"
  • "At least I’m breathing."
  • "Some are born mad, some achieve madness, and some have madness thrust upon ‘em!"
  • "Accept no imitations!"
  • "I used to have a home. Now I don’t even have a name."
  • "I’m nothing but a number."
  • "I’m not even legal."
  • "This is one hell of a ride!"
  • "How did your father die?"
  • "How can I save you from me?"
  • "Do I want you? Maybe so."
  • "Start at the beginning."
  • "I can’t even pretend I care."
  • "Well, that means something."
  • "Where’s my second chapter?"
  • "You’ve made a difference."
  • "You’ve won your fight."
  • "Who would you believe?"
  • "I know where you sleep!"
  • "I feel so disillusioned."
  • "Yes, it’s going to hurt."
  • "I’ve nothing to lose."
  • "Studies show intelligent girls are more depressed."
  • "I can never live it down."
  • "I want to see the sky."
  • "That man’s gonna be my death."
  • "He’s all I’ve ever wanted in my life."
  • "Well, he’s a doctor and you are just a crazy fucking bitch!"
  • "We’ve filled your prescription."
  • "The drugs are your only friend."
  • "You tell me everything’s alright, as if it’s something you’ve been through!"
  • "Revenge is a dish that is best served now."
  • "I should be home by now."
  • "Someone will come for me…"
  • "We think you just might be impressed."
  • "If I burn, so will you!"
  • "It’s time for war, it’s time for blood!"
  • "We’ve been trained by the very best."
  • "Eradicate the enemy!"
  • "They’re just happy if we feed ‘em."
  • "Grab another cup of tea and follow me!"
  • "You think this torment is romantic? Well, it’s not."
  • "I’ll come back to haunt you if I drown."
  • "The world is full of poets; we don’t need any more."
  • "Why bother bothering?"
  • "The world is full of singers; we don’t need any more."
  • "And by the way, your poetry sucks."
  • "I’m giving you a head start."
  • "I fight like a girl."
  • "How did I get myself into all of this mess?"
  • "One foot in front of the other foot…"
  • "This isn’t personal."
  • "It’s just human traffic and I’m just a slave."
  • "If the price is right, I’m not averse to kill."
  • "This is revolution!"
  • "The world is full of lovers; we don’t need any more."

sebastianmoransniper sent: Little hen.

sebastianmoransniper:

henriettahippo:

     Hazel eyes widened to a point where it seemed possible for them to simply hop out of their sockets.

     Seven months since they had parted ways, having deemed it safest if they went separate ways for a while. Seven months without a note, without a call - seven months without any sign that might let her believe he was still alive. 

                  “Bastian…”

Sebastian is taken aback by the woman suddenly wrapping her arms around him, but it only takes a second for him to relax again, and smile as he rests his chin on her head. Sure, finding her may have been a massive error in judgement, but at this moment in time, he couldn’t bring himself to care. ” Hey, little hen?” he asks “shall we go somewhere to catch up that isn’t the middle of the street? I’m sure people are staring.”

        “Can’t believe you’re still calling me that….” she muttered, halfway amused. No matter how - at least if someone was to ask her - badass she had become, she would always just be ‘Little Hen’. 
"You are aware that chickens - birds in general - have dinosaur blood? This little hen most certainly is. So don’t mess with the hen, no matter how little she might be."

        By now she had  reached out and with their arms hooked, Hettie was dragging the sniper off into the direction of her apartment. Maybe the term ‘apartment’ was used a bit loosely here, had the woman in fact merely rented a room at an elderly couple’s house. Nice People. Good people. Not potential serial killers or Jim’s employees. 

P A N D A M U N!

We avenged you.

Told you we would not let them win in YOUR home.

tastefullyoffensive:

2 Girls, No Cup [x]

tastefullyoffensive:

2 Girls, No Cup [x]

::out of ducks::

I am super fucking happy, but at the same time super fucking sad, realizing that this was Miro’s last World Cup. He’s always been my favourite, and it breaks my heart knowing that in the future, we’ll have to get by without him.


1 week ago

Tagged: #fifa 2014